Right now

So I was thinking about something on my way to work this morning. This whole year has felt like a countdown. Counting down the weeks until baby arrives, counting down weeks until chemo is over, counting down to baby shower, Hawaii, and even counting down until Donnie finds that special someone. And then I thought I'm sick of counting! I just want to enjoy right now. Right now has a purpose and meaning and why can't we just marvel and gaze into what is happening right now even if it seems horrible. I know that sounds easier said then done especially if only one of us is going through chemotherapy but I think we can find something remarkable in every situation we are in right now.

Here's my best shot . . . . .

Baby and I only have a few short weeks together. Right now he is part of me and no one else. I'm the only one who feels him living in me and though I will have more babies he is my first. I may never forget how I felt when he was in my belly but right now I don't have to remember cause he is in there right now. Soon enough he will come but right now I am pregnant with our first baby and I will never be able to get that back. Mitchell and I still have quiet evenings and dinner together on the couch. On most days we get ready for work together and talk about our plans for the evening and the weekend. Though we are anxious for baby he hasn't consumed our lives yet and we only have a few short weeks before that all changes. Right now I'm pregnant with our first baby and I love it.

Right now my mom is going through chemotherapy. Everyday is different for her--she may feel tired one day and extremely bloated the next. Right now her hair is gone and she wears hats and wigs to work but goes bald at home and around family. We all know her beautiful hair will start growing back in the next few months but right now is the only time in her life when she has no hair because of her fight. And speaking of her fight, this is the only time she is really battling cancer. Though we all wish this was over, or better yet that this had never happened, this is still remarkable. We know she is not dying and God's hand has been on this from the beginning. It's marvelous to know that through the hardest time in my mom's life and our family God is with us. Next year when chemo is over and beautiful blond locks are appearing again we will look back and talk about how God spared our mom's life. How God was with us throught it all. How God's timing was perfect from the first mammogram to the last chemo session. We will also look back and reflect on how strong our mom was through it all. How she didn't cry when her hair was cut. How she never complained. How she still wanted to work out. How she was so joyful through it all. But today we don't have to remember because she, and we, are going through it right now. Right now our mom is going through chemotherapy and God is with us.

Right now my brother works with me. He is finishing college and he is single. He is 26 years old and in the best shape of his life. Soon he will be done with school. Soon I will have my baby and we won't work together. Soon he will find the one he is meant to love forever and long gone will be the days of being alone. Right now he is only responsible for himself. He has yet to deal with details of an engagement, wedding, mortgage, cranky wife, happy wife, crying wife, who does the dishes, who pays the bills, shared money and in-laws. He may go to bed alone but this is the only time he will. He gets the whole bed to himself and he doesn't have to worry about farting, eating or picking his nose in bed. It's just him. And one day he will marry a wonderful woman who will comfort him in times of sorrow and pain, but right now it is God. Of course he has family and friends, but the most intimate of details are shared with God alone. Soon enough he will be married and expecting his first baby and we will look back on the days Donnie was single, in school, living with mom and dad, and only responsible for himself. But today we don't have to remember cause he is single right now. Right now my brother is a young single bachelor and he is doing great.

On a much lighter note, right now Nikki and Zach have not been to the most desired, tropical vacation destination--the islands of Hawaii. :) In about 4 weeks they will be on their way and all they have dreamed of Hawaii will become a reality. They will see the beautiful beaches and famous landmarks. They will sip tropical drinks and order expensive dinners. They will soak up the sun and enjoy luas while the rest of us at home turn green with envy. But not yet. Right now the anticipation and curiosity of what is on the other side of the pacific is sweet enough. Down the road they will look back at their trip and reflect on how marvelous it is was and remember how anxious and excited, and at times stressful, they were in planning one of the biggest trips of their lives. Right now Nikk and Zach are planning their vacation to Hawaii and they are soooo excited!!

My humps, my humps, my burning aching humps

I remember hearing about it in Biology class years ago and even then it freaked me out. My hip bones are bending and moving and hurt like you won't believe!!!!  I will be 32 weeks tomorrow.

I woke up Wednesday morning with a bit of a back ache and throughout the day it got worse and more into my hips. And not the type of pain that can be soothed by massage or a hot bath--but more of a deep bone ache. This is not muscular. And the pain got worse when I laid down for bed on Wednesday night. I seriously only got 2 hours of sleep and I literally started crying. And not the silent-tear-type of cry but the wailing-like-a-5-year-old cry. Mitchell didn't have a clue of what to do and just when I thought he was going to hold me close and help me go back to sleep, I turned over and found him with a pillow tightly over his head so that my wailing-like-a-5-year-old cry wouldn't disturb his precious slumber. (The next morning he claimed he didn't remember.) Later I resorted to the living room at about 2 a.m. where I got on all fours and moved my hips back and forth as if I was in active labor. I must have looked pretty funny but it was the only thing that gave me a tad bit of relief.

Thursday was torture at work being as I only got 2 hours of sleep but at least the pain was more tolerable and I think it's because I wasn't lying down. And just when I was thinking how in the heck am I going to give birth naturally? a friend at work told me her hip pain was so bad that her doctor gave her darvocet. So it's not just me, this part does hurt!!

But no darvocet for me. In fact, Mitchell was wondering why I just didn't take a Tylenol to help dull the pain but I figured I'm super mommy! I'm going to give birth with no medical intervention and if I can't deal with my hips aching how am I going to get through labor?!

Needless to say, I did take some Tylenol before bed last night and I slept til 4 a.m. Woot! Woot!

Today my back and hips feel fine--a little aching--but nothing any super mommy can't deal with without medication.

Our Miracle – Part II

Dear Baby,

The day came for our follow up appointment with Dr. Fok. This was our big day to find out one of several things—Did the cyst get bigger? Did it get smaller? Are there other problems? You can imagine all the possible things that ran through our minds. Were we worried? Yes. Did we try to pretend we weren't? Yes. Did we pray to God for the cyst to be gone? Yes. Did we believe it would happen? Kind of, I mean, did we believe that God can take the cyst away? Yes. But I guess with the way things were going this year and the way we were getting medical reports from doctors, actually expecting that the cyst would be gone felt like too much to ask for or expect--shame on us. But our creator has a marvelous way of reminding us of who He is and what He can do.

You see, Daddy and I went to our appointment with sweaty palms, hearts racing, and teary-eyed. Again we were quiet and anxious. What could we say to each other? Relax; everything is going to be ok? Duh, we know we needed to relax, we know we needed to trust God and ultimately everything would be ok. But you are our baby, our precious child who we haven't even met yet. We know how each other felt and all we could do was hold each other and pray. So we did. So we walk into the exam room. I laid down and bared my big belly. It felt like it was only moments and Dr. Fok said that the most precious words ever, "The cysts are gone. I don't see anything." Are you kidding me?! They are gone. They just vanished. It has only been a few weeks and already they are gone.

Just to be sure I asked, "Did you check both sides?"

He smiled with amusement, "Yes, I'm looking at both sides. They have disappeared." Tears were streaming down my cheeks. I looked up at daddy and in the dark room all I could see was in big white smile--that wonderful smile, that perfect smile. You know it was his smile that I first fell in love with the day we met. And at our appointment it was that same smile that reassured me that everything was truly good and wonderful because our baby boy is healthy and perfect. Man, I love that smile!

Dr. Fok wrapped up the appointment by checking your measurements again and asked if we had any questions. Only one, "Should we see you in another 4 weeks?" He kind of laughed (he was so much warmer this time around) and told us that he doesn't want to see us again, no offense to us. None taken!!! As we walked out of the exam room, daddy had to turn around and shake his hand (so sweet and of course, he was smiling). Right when we stepped out onto the street on our way to our car, I grabbed your daddy, buried my face in his chest and with all emotion flushing out of my face I cried with thankfulness to God, appreciation of my husband who worried with me, and total relief that from all the things we have to worry about his year the cysts were no longer on that list. Praise Jesus!

In time at all we were on our phones calling moms, dads, sisters and brothers. They cried and celebrated with us.

It's been a week since our appointment and during this week we have had time to reflect on this past scary month. Here are some things we have learned:

• Trust God always—He will always take care of us.
  
• God is good ALL the time (even when your mom has cancer).
  
• You, daddy and I have many amazing families and friends who constantly prayed for all of us. Thank you God for giving us these people.
  
• Your grandma says that God used you to put things in perspective for her. Once she heard the news of your cysts all worry about losing her hair was gone. It just doesn't matter.
  

 

So my little guy, even before you came into this world God used you for many reasons—many reasons we see right away and others are more subtle. This I know for sure, you are no ordinary baby boy and will not grow up to be an ordinary man. God has a divine, majestic journey for your life.

And I can't wait to see it!!

Mommy/Daddy moments

Dear Baby,

I want you to know how sweet and loving your daddy is. He loves you so much and takes of me so gently and sweetly. He knows being pregnant is hard on my body and uncomfortable and he tries so hard to make me feel good. Here is one very special thing your daddy said to me unexpectedly yesterday. He said, "This is one of my favorite versions of you—being pregnant." I cried. He went on to say, "I love your chubby cheeks, your belly and how you have to pee all the time. I love the way you look."

This is just a sneak preview of the kind of family you are coming into. We love each other so very much and believe we are true soul mates. We can't wait to share this love with you.

26 weeks

Let's take a break from all the heavy emotion and take a look at how you are growing in my belly. Here is a picture of me at 26 weeks and 30 pounds. Woohoo!

Our miracle

Dear Baby,

When you grow up you will often hear people say, "Miracles happen every day" and they are RIGHT! Baby boy, you will find that miracles, small and large, will happen to you and others around you all throughout your life. These miracles are God's hand in our life. It's His majestic way of letting us know that He is present and taking care of His children. Just this week we experienced a miraculous moment with you in my belly.

About 6 weeks ago I was sitting in the exam room with your grandma and grandpa (Daddy had to work) and Dr. Lopez gave us some news that shook our world and put things into perspective. She said there appeared to be 2 cysts in your brain and I had to see a specialist. Choroid Plexus Cyst is the actual full term. I sat there overwhelmed with emotion, with my cancer-stricken mother sitting in one chair and with my loving father now with 2 of his girls in distress, I couldn't hold it in anymore. I burst into tears completely frightened that I was going to lose you. Fear had already hit me weeks before when we found out that grandma has breast cancer and we were looking at a year of treatment, but I wasn't expecting anything other than "Everything looks good" from my doctor's mouth. I tried really hard to absorb everything Dr. Lopez was saying, "Vast majority of these cysts go away," "marker for other disorders," "don't worry," "you can see the specialist next week," It seemed so simple to her and the end of life for me. What percentages of these cysts go away? What kind of disorders? Why wouldn't I worry? Who's the specialist?! It's so cool how God works. He knew I needed my mom and dad with me. He had it all planned out even before the appointment was made. I'm sure God's planning went something like this, "She is going to get the news on this day. Kelly will get cancer at this time so Ralph and Kelly will be off work on this day. They will go with her to the appointment. Mitchell will work at this time." Voula! God's perfect plan was born. I needed my mama at the first real time I felt like a mama. And she put her hands over me and cried a little too. Suddenly the loss of her hair in the battle with cancer didn't seem so devastating to her. I didn't know it at the time but your grandmother prayed then that she wouldn't complain about the loss of hair, in fact she said that God can take all her hair if He can just have this baby be healthy and perfect. They had a deal and she was determined to keep her end.

The next week we saw Dr. Fok, known to be the best perinatologist, well the only perinatologist in town. At the appointment Daddy and I were stressed and anxious. All we wanted to hear was that everything ok and that you were perfect. (Oooooh! You just gave me a big kick!) Our first impression of Dr. Fok's office was not good. The reception seemed only concerned about money and insurance. I told her on the phone I didn't care how much I had to pay, I wanted to make sure the baby was ok. She seemed sympathetic but with her thick Asian accent she repeatedly said, "Please bring twenty dollars cash—cash only." Ok lady, cash only it is.

The ultrasound was empty and dark. It was obvious that Dr. Fok was a man of business and serious about his work, no fluffy frills in his space. As he looked in my uterus and examined every inch of you he can find I tried to remain quiet, calm and still. Daddy came close to me and held my hand. We went back and forth watching the screen and watching Dr. Fok's face for any sign of concern. He said noting. Of course, I had tons of questions I wanted to ask. Do you see anything? Is he ok? Does he look healthy? Tell me. What are you thinking? But I said nothing. I wanted this specialist to concentrate and do what he needed to do and not be distracted by the big emotional pregnant lady whose bare belly was on his table. Daddy spoke first. I don't remember exactly what he asked. It was something simple like, "Is that his brain?" Dr. Fok said nothing. His facial expression changed. He looked down at my file, sifting through papers, looked back at the screen. And then he excused himself. Right when he left the room, Daddy and I locked eyes. We didn't have to say anything—we both knew we were thinking the same thing. Panic was in both of us. Why did he leave? What did he see that was so bad? We both prayed and tried to stay calm. Daddy stroked my head and I fought hard not to burst into tears. Dr. Fok came back in. He looked some more and took measurements. Once he was done he asked us wait so he can get my test results. Again we sat there holding each other, praying in our own heads, and trying to prepare ourselves for the worst news. After about the longest 5 minutes ever, he called us to his back office to tell us the news.

We were so relieved to hear him speak. Even though his seriousness was scary I started to learn that was him and not necessarily the news. Dr. Fok confirmed there were 2 cysts in your brain. One on the right side that was virtual nothing because it was so small, and one on the left side that was a little more than 1 cm in diameter. He said that everything else with you looked fine and in fact you appeared to be a very healthy active baby. He measured your arms, legs, brain, and heart. He looked for fluid in the back of your neck and kidneys. The only marker that was of concern was the cyst on the left side. He said the cyst is a marker for Down Syndrome and Trisomy 18 and offered us the option of doing a amnio procedure to know for sure if you had these disorders. We said no right then and there. We didn't want to take the risk of losing you in an amnio just to find out if you had a disorder. And the news from the amnio wouldn't change our love for you. Next steps were to make another appointment with Dr. Fok in four weeks and from then on out we would just wait, watch and pray.

The next few weeks Daddy and I spent a lot of time praying, crying, and loving each other. We needed each other more than ever before. We trust our Father but every once in a while Satan would sneak his ugly thoughts in our mind and worry would set in. What if the cyst doesn't go away? What if it gets bigger? What if he finds other problems?

More than anything I wanted and needed to hear 2 beautiful things—that my mother doesn't have cancer and my baby boy is perfect and healthy. Our follow up appointment with Dr. Fok couldn't come soon enough.

To be continued . . .

Your first kicks

Dear Baby Boy,

I remember it perfectly and I pray I never forget it. We found out that you are a boy when I was 16 weeks along. The day after Baby Sightings I found myself home terribly sick. I didn't want to take any cold medicine so instead I laid in bed with full-on symptoms. . . ear aches, headache, sore throat, stuffy nose, chills . . . I was very sicky icky.

The second day of staying home sick and in bed I felt the most incredible THING! I say thing because I don't know how to describe it. It happened so fast and startled me a bit. I knew right away what it was. It wasn't really flutters or butterflies, it was different. It had a mighty force behind it. On the left side of my lower belly God's perfect miracle of creation made his presence known. You kicked me and I FELT IT!!

I wish my face was recorded. I know I had the biggest smile on my face and felt the purest joy in all the world. You are real and alive in my belly. I didn't hesitate at all. I quickly called Daddy to tell him the good news. And together we laughed and cried.

From then on I have felt you everyday. As I write this I am 22 weeks and 5 days along. Your kicks get stronger and more frequent. You kick and move the most in the morning as I munch on my delicious gala apple, after dinner as we relax on the couch, and right before I fall asleep.

Just yesterday, June 2nd, Daddy felt your kicks too! Throughout the past couple of months I was the only one to feel you. Pretty much daily Daddy would lay with me on the couch or in bed with his hand over my belly as we watched TV. I would guide his hand from side to side as I predicted where your next kick would be. For 2 months he disappointingly felt nothing.

But not yesterday! We played your favorite song, "Came to My Rescue" by Hillsong United, and Daddy felt 3 big strong kicks. Tears filled our eyes. I am so happy to share you with him. He is a good Daddy and already loves you so very much. We both can't wait to meet you face to face.

I love you baby.

An apple a day . . . .

It was week 15 and in the mornings I still couldn't make it from my bed to the kitchen without gagging and eventually throwing up. "What would you throw up before breakfast?" You might ask. Three to five times a week I would throw up bile. Harsh, acidic, yellowish bile. It was horrible everytime, but I must say I got quite good at just relaxing my muscles, not resisting, and letting it spue out easily so each episode can be over as soon as possible. I'd rinse my mouth, pat my face with a towel and make my way to the kitchen for breakfast as if nothing happened.

Most husbands would be snug and comfy in bed pretending not to hear the sounds of vomiting from their pregnant wives. But not my husband. My beloved stumbled out of bed every single time to rub my back or hold my hair when I had my episodes. Well, maybe not every time. There was that third or fourth time early on in the pregnancy that he laid in bed and actually covered his head with the blanket so I wouldn't disrupt his precious slumber. After I cleaned myself up I had one of my many crazy pregnant woman breakdowns. It was not pretty.

"Why can't you get up and help me?" I screamed.

"I don't know what you need me to do." He said calmly and confused.

"Do something! Rub my back, hold my hair. Something so I know we are in this together and that you care!!!" I screamed again.

You bet that every single time after that breakdown, my man got up out of bed to help his crazy pregnant wife. And every time he rubbed my back or held my hair. Who cares that I had to tell him what I needed from him. He's a man and some times things just need to be spelled out . . . or screamed out.

So after my 15th week of gestation I really needed to figure out why I was still throwing up in the mornings but not nauseas throughout the day like months before. I figured this much. When I woke up in the middle of the night I was starving. When I woke up in the mornings it was even worse. I felt like I hadn't eaten in days or weeks! My blood sugar level was terribly low. Something else I figured out early in pregnancy is that severe hunger is accompanied by gagging. Maybe not necessarily throwing up, but gagging and I don't know why.

So one night I did something that would change this pregnancy experience for me. I went to bed with an apple by my bed. When I woke up in the middle of the night I would take a few bites from my apple and fall back asleep. First thing in the morning before even getting up to use the restroom, I sat up and ate the rest of my apple. It is delicious every time. And it's different from crackers at your bed side. I was past crackers. In fact, I now hate crackers. I need something with good sugars and a nutritious substance. I have now done this every day for 2 weeks and my refrigerator is stocked with apples.

So a special thank you goes to the fantastic Gala apple. You are marvelous to me and give me what I need to make it from bed, to bathroom, to kitchen. Because of you I sleep better and wake up happier. Because of you my husband sleeps better in the mornings and his slumber is no longer disturbed by the white nose of gagging and vomiting. My baby boy thanks you too. I'm sure he is happy in the womb every morning as your sweet fruit makes its way to his blood stream.

I love you apple and will forever hold you dear to my heart.

17 weeks

Dear Baby Boy,

Yes, a lot has happened over the past couple of months--one of which is finding out that the little blueberry inside my belly is a little boy blueberry. Now, at about 17 weeks into pregnancy you are much bigger than a blueberry. Let's recap the past few months when I wasn't blogging.

From the end of week 5 to about the end of week 9, I was throwing up almost every morning or afternoon. If I wasn't throwing up, then I wish I was to find relief from the nausea you gave mommy. But after 4 weeks of it I felt it ease up a little in week 10. Though I was still throwing up in the mornings, the days got a little easier for me to handle. But as the quizziness was leaving, the indigestion and heartburn welcomed themselves in my body.

At 3 months pregnant, Daddy took this picture of me after a big delicious dinner.

I'm still managing the trickiness of it all. Though my hunger is never satisfied, I have to watch every bite I take for it could mean the beginning of a long night of indigestion torture--never knowing if the burp that I so desperately need could actually be an upchuck of the food I just ate that never really seemed to make it's way down to my stomach. Mylanta is now my friend.

But through those tough weeks came some blissful moments of seeing you in an ultrasound for the first time and showing the pictures to family and friends. Watching you grow in the ultasounds is even more joyful. You went from a blueberry, to a peanut, to my precious baby in full form--though not in full size.

This ultrasound picture was taken at 7 and half weeks.

And maybe the most greatest moment of them all is when the doctor said, "Oh Boy!" I knew the whole time you were a boy. I'm your mommy and I knew from the beginning. And now with confirmation of seeing your little wee-wee, we are so happy to have you as our son. You are already active in my belly and Daddy knows that it won't be long for you to be skateboarding along side him. With a helmet, wrist guards, shin guards, and elbow pads of course.

We got this ultrasound picture at 15 weeks and we found out you are a boy. We weren't expecting to find out that day but Daddy asked the doctor and made her feel bad. So she squeezed us into the ultrasound room for a little sneak peek.

We would love you just as much if the doctor said you are girl. But knowing that you we are expecting our son makes the anticipation of your arrival much greater. I'm preparing for my boy. My precious baby boy.

This ultrasound pic was also taken at 15 weeks. I swear you are going to have my lips and nose.

I pray everyday baby that God's hand is with you as you develop and grow. I pray for no development issues or problems. I also pray for God to be with Daddy and I as we love and raise you to be a man. We dedicate your life to our Savior and I know you will be raised to honor and love the Lord your God who made you in my womb. I hope we are good examples of God-loving, God-fearing people who live our lives and raise you by what God says--not by what man says.

Love,
Mommy

Morning sickness--all day sickness,

Dear Baby,
These past few weeks have been tough. I lay in bed afraid to lift my head for fear of vomit all over the sheets. But I have to pee again for the 3rd time tonight so I lift slowly. I move to the bathroom slowly - one step at a time. No vomit. I pee. No vomit. I think I can do this. I slowly brush my teeth trying to be careful of any gag reflex. As I brush I examine the belly. No bump. Suddenly the brushing is too much. I feel it. It's coming. Heart is racing. I start to break out in a sweat. Here it comes. Gag, gag, gag. No vomit. Nothing in the stomach to throw up. I should've known for just 3 minutes ago my tummy was rumbling loudly. Gag again. This time bile. Very acidic yellow bile. I can't stop. Please make it stop.
Once it comes to an end, I slowly attempt to clean myself up. Gotta get dressed for work.
The days are hard. I'm contantly gagging. I munch on saltines all day. So sick of saltines. Lunch comes and I'm starving. I eat way too much and now I'm sick again. Mid afternoon I can't focus. I'm so tired. I swear someone has drugged me.
Only 4 more weeks of this so they say. I can do it. Others have done it before me so what's my excuse?
I can do this because I love you. I dream of you, think of you, speak of you all the time. And every time I am feeling sick I am reminding of your little beating heart in my belly.

I love you,
Mommy

6 Weeks

From my babycenter.com email notice:

Hello Crissy!
This week's major developments: The nose, mouth and ears that you'll spend so much time kissing in eight months are beginning to take shape. If you could see into your uterus you'd find an oversize head and dark spots where your baby's eyes and nostrils are starting to form. His emerging ears are marked by small depressions on th sides of his head, and his arms and legs are protruding buds. His heart is beating about 100 to 160 times a minute--almost twice as fast as yours--and blood is beginning to course through his body. His intestines are developing, and the bud of tissue that will give rise to his lungs has appeared. His pituitary gland is forming, as the rest of his brain, muscles, and bones. Right now, your baby is a quarter of an inch long, about the size of a lentil bean.

Body Changes

Dear Baby,
Mommy's body was never perfect and super slim but I must document my stats for proof that I was once a size 8 (tight size 6 on a good day) and hopefully one day I will see these numbers again. I am determined!

Starting weight: 154 lbs
Starting measurements: 36"-bust, 28"-waist, 36"-hips

Let it be known that yesterday, 2.04.10, was the first day of slight nausea and heartburn--maybe the first classic signs of pregnancy. Not enough to complain but just enough to want to lay around on the couch and turn up on my nose to veggies. Instead, your wonderful Daddy went to Taco Bell and got me 2 bean burritos. That hit the spot! And then he made me a bubble bath--hotter than luke warm but not too hot--and then tucked me in bed with a back massage and sombra. How blessed we are baby to have a Daddy/husband to take care of us when we aren't feelling 100%!

Love,
Mommy

5 Weeks

From my babycenter.com email notice:

Hello Crissy!
You are 5 weeks pregnant--245 days to go!
Your baby is about the size as a sesame seed, and he looks more like a tiny tadpole than a human. The big development this week: Your baby's brain is beginning to grow! It develops from the neural tube, a structure that will also spawn your baby's spinal cord, nerves, and back bone. Since folic acid helps prevent neural tube defects such as spina bifida, you can see why it's so important to take it while tryin to conceive and early pregnancy. In the meantime, the primitive placenta and umbilical cord, which deliver nutrients and oxygen to your baby, are already on the job.

Gifts

Dear Baby,

You are coming into this world incredibly loved by so many people. These people are anxious to meet you, hold you, play with you, and watch you grow. They are also excited to shower you with gifts. When Jesus came into this world he was welcomed and honored with 3 gifts from the Wise Men. You, my baby, will be honored with gifts as well. In fact, those that are awaiting your arrival are already giving you things.

Before you were even conceived your Aunt Nikki gave you your bedroom sign that reads "All because two people fell in love." Which is so true. Your Daddy and I love each other so much. You are coming into a family with deep, emotional love and we aren't afraid to show it and scream it from the roof top. We have spent several years loving each other and now we can continue loving each other by loving you.

Your Uncle Donnie also gifted you a few things. He has been so enthusiastic about you, baby. His very first gift to you is a beautiful white blankie and diapers. I know this blankie will be with you for years to come and everytime you fall asleep with it you will find comfort.

Your aunts and uncles are going to love you and adore you--they already do! They are going to adore you so much that they will want to have babies just like you so you can have little cousins to play with.

Welcome to our family, baby.

I love you.

Pictures of Early Pregnancy

The Belly - No show

Dear Baby,

I'm so anxious of any sign of you. I pray God's hand is on my belly and the Holy Spirit enters my womb to protect you as you grow.

My belly is flat--no sign of you growing yet. Every morning I wake up and look side ways at my belly. Nothing yet. I can't wait until you show with just a bump or a lump. When you do I will not hide you. I will show anyone who wants to see my precious baby and the miracle that resides in me.

Today at church we were proud parents. We told friends and even some strangers. Everyone was elated to hear the news. Even Pastor ran toward us after service to congratulate us and love on us. Daddy and I were so touched at his kind words as he described the miracle that we get to experience with you and our God. Mommy cried.

I love you my baby.

Construction

Dear Baby,
Daddy has been working a lot the past couple of nights after work in preparation for your arrival. Before we can start on your nursery I need Daddy to finish the hallway closet construction so I can reorganize and make room.
See Baby, we want you to come into this world welcomed with your own room and special decor. Daddy and I have some work ahead of us but we promise to do the best we can to provide a relaxed and loving environment for you to learn, grow, and be loved.
Pictures soon to come . . . .
I love you my Baby.

Cramping

Dear Baby,
Last night I noticed a little cramping my belly. Is that you? Hello.
I've read some women experience breast tenderness, different cramping and extreme tiredness. I don't. I feel great. I feel better with you in me than with you not.

Daddy kisses you everyday and says hi. He loves you more than you know. He can't wait for you to come out and join him on the slopes. Just wait, you will see.

The Big News

Dear Baby,

Today is day 3 with the big news. You are in me. God created you. Daddy did it. And now we are apart of each other--living off the same nutrients and breath. I love you so much. I knew I loved you even before you were in my belly. I was so excited to have you. I prayed throughout the years that God would place you in our lives at the perfect time--and now He has.

It was Sunday, January 24th. We took a day trip up to Shirley Meadows for a little snowboarding with Uncle Donnie, Aunt Rachel, Nick, and Grandpa Ralph. I thought it was safe to snowboard since the day before I took a home pregnancy test and it was negative. I thought, "I'm not pregnant so let's snowboard and do the things I can't do when I'm pregnant." We had a great day and came home around 2 p.m. After a hot shower and a little time to relax we went out to dinner with the Cochran fam. I remember I was so tired but excited to see everyone. On the way to and from dinner your Daddy was in a really good mood and was being super sweet (as he usually is). He was playing his favorite worship songs for me and we talked about how much God loves us and the work He has done in our lives. We held each other's hands and our eyes teared up as we expressed how much we love each other. I will never forget that car ride. And then something hit me. God told me to take another test. I told your Daddy that we should probably take another pregnancy test but not to get his hopes up because I didn't think I was pregnant with you.

We went straight to the drug store to get a test and some ice cream--we didn't even go home first. We grabbed a 3 pack of E.P.T., cookies 'n cream ice cream, and chocolate syrup. Daddy was so excited and I was trying not to get to hopeful. Daddy knew and I didn't. We went home and before even putting the ice cream in the freezer I pee'd in a cup, took the test and within seconds the positive plus sign appeared. Daddy was right by my side. We couldn't believe it. It was positive!!! The first little sign that you were alive in my belly. We were shocked. We had 2 tests left so we had to take them to be sure. And sure enough they were positive as well. Daddy grabbed the camera.

I remember him asking, "What do we do?!"

I said, "Let's go tell the family!"

So we packed up the tests as proof, grabbed the camera and went to pick up Aunt Nikki and Uncle Zach. They were at church and Daddy pulled them out so I could tell them in the hallway. Auntie Nikki and I screamed, hugged and cried. She was so excited and shocked. She was also relieved because she thought she was pulled out of church for bad news. She was wrong.

And then we went straight to Grandma Kelly and Grandpa Ralph's house to tell them and Uncle Donnie and Aunt Rachel. I gave Grandma Kelly a little gift as a hint and she guessed it right away. She cried and cried with tears of joy. Grandpa Ralph cried too. Uncle Donnie didn't cry but he was sooo excited. We all hugged with excitement and joy.

Grandpa Ralph quickly called Grandpa Don and he came over super fast. He was scared because he thought something was wrong. But once we told him the big news he relaxed and was very happy.

Within moments we were back on the road to the Grandma Sissy and Grandpa Duane's house. This time I had the camera. Daddy was elated and he said he wanted to run in the house and just tell them--and he did. He walked in the living room with arms in the air and said, "I did it! I did it!" Everyone was confused until he said, "We are pregnant!" Grandma jumped in the air with joy and Aunt Aubrey ran to us. Uncle Bob was on his way home and once he walked through the door Daddy told him the good news. He was shocked but happy.

So my baby, you were big news for all of us. Even though Daddy and I wanted you so much we were shocked to learn you were alive in my belly. I pray every day that God protects you in my womb. I pray you are healthy. I already know you are beautiful because God has made you--and now you are growing inside of me.

We have a full 9 months until we meet but until then I will do all I can to keep you healthy and strong. The rest I give to God. Praise and glory to His name for our miracle.