So I was thinking about something on my way to work this morning. This whole year has felt like a countdown. Counting down the weeks until baby arrives, counting down weeks until chemo is over, counting down to baby shower, Hawaii, and even counting down until Donnie finds that special someone. And then I thought I'm sick of counting! I just want to enjoy right now. Right now has a purpose and meaning and why can't we just marvel and gaze into what is happening right now even if it seems horrible. I know that sounds easier said then done especially if only one of us is going through chemotherapy but I think we can find something remarkable in every situation we are in right now.
Here's my best shot . . . . .
Baby and I only have a few short weeks together. Right now he is part of me and no one else. I'm the only one who feels him living in me and though I will have more babies he is my first. I may never forget how I felt when he was in my belly but right now I don't have to remember cause he is in there right now. Soon enough he will come but right now I am pregnant with our first baby and I will never be able to get that back. Mitchell and I still have quiet evenings and dinner together on the couch. On most days we get ready for work together and talk about our plans for the evening and the weekend. Though we are anxious for baby he hasn't consumed our lives yet and we only have a few short weeks before that all changes. Right now I'm pregnant with our first baby and I love it.
Right now my mom is going through chemotherapy. Everyday is different for her--she may feel tired one day and extremely bloated the next. Right now her hair is gone and she wears hats and wigs to work but goes bald at home and around family. We all know her beautiful hair will start growing back in the next few months but right now is the only time in her life when she has no hair because of her fight. And speaking of her fight, this is the only time she is really battling cancer. Though we all wish this was over, or better yet that this had never happened, this is still remarkable. We know she is not dying and God's hand has been on this from the beginning. It's marvelous to know that through the hardest time in my mom's life and our family God is with us. Next year when chemo is over and beautiful blond locks are appearing again we will look back and talk about how God spared our mom's life. How God was with us throught it all. How God's timing was perfect from the first mammogram to the last chemo session. We will also look back and reflect on how strong our mom was through it all. How she didn't cry when her hair was cut. How she never complained. How she still wanted to work out. How she was so joyful through it all. But today we don't have to remember because she, and we, are going through it right now. Right now our mom is going through chemotherapy and God is with us.
Right now my brother works with me. He is finishing college and he is single. He is 26 years old and in the best shape of his life. Soon he will be done with school. Soon I will have my baby and we won't work together. Soon he will find the one he is meant to love forever and long gone will be the days of being alone. Right now he is only responsible for himself. He has yet to deal with details of an engagement, wedding, mortgage, cranky wife, happy wife, crying wife, who does the dishes, who pays the bills, shared money and in-laws. He may go to bed alone but this is the only time he will. He gets the whole bed to himself and he doesn't have to worry about farting, eating or picking his nose in bed. It's just him. And one day he will marry a wonderful woman who will comfort him in times of sorrow and pain, but right now it is God. Of course he has family and friends, but the most intimate of details are shared with God alone. Soon enough he will be married and expecting his first baby and we will look back on the days Donnie was single, in school, living with mom and dad, and only responsible for himself. But today we don't have to remember cause he is single right now. Right now my brother is a young single bachelor and he is doing great.
On a much lighter note, right now Nikki and Zach have not been to the most desired, tropical vacation destination--the islands of Hawaii. :) In about 4 weeks they will be on their way and all they have dreamed of Hawaii will become a reality. They will see the beautiful beaches and famous landmarks. They will sip tropical drinks and order expensive dinners. They will soak up the sun and enjoy luas while the rest of us at home turn green with envy. But not yet. Right now the anticipation and curiosity of what is on the other side of the pacific is sweet enough. Down the road they will look back at their trip and reflect on how marvelous it is was and remember how anxious and excited, and at times stressful, they were in planning one of the biggest trips of their lives. Right now Nikk and Zach are planning their vacation to Hawaii and they are soooo excited!!
