Family Traditions: Making an advent calendar & enjoying the parade

This year more than ever I have stressed the importance of our family traditions. My hope is that Mitchell and I can take our favorite and most memorable Christmas traditions from our childhood and incorporate them into our little family--along with making new ones of our own. At two years old, Aedan is more aware of the joy this season brings and we love seeing him burst with excitement at each and every festivity we do this month. From picking out a Christmas tree, to making a Christmas wish list, Aedan is surely enjoying the preparation for Christmas Day. And though we are not sure if he fully understands the reason for the season, we do explain to him every chance we get that all the joy, fun activities, gifts and parties are about one thing--Jesus' birth (an important tradition we will stress every year).

One fun thing I remember from when I was little is our family advent calendar. It was simple and sweet, no candy or activities to pull out for each day (that I often see on new and improved calendars). It had a cute little mouse that fit in the pocket of each day of December.  And I remember fondly how Donnie, Nikki and I fought every morning to be the one who moved it from one day to the next. But with little success to find an advent calendar that I liked, I knew it was all up to me and Pinterest. :)

I batted my eyes at Mitchell for a little help, took my pregnant booty to the craft store, and voila! The Cochran family advent calendar was born.

I got the idea from this blog I found on Pinterest. (I love how Pinterest can even make me seem like a crafter.)

We had leftover trim and chicken wire from past home projects so the frame only cost us about $5 for some red spray paint. I grabbed a book of Christmas cardstock at JoAnn's for around $10 and with tons of paper leftover I can use it for future projects. I found some 1 inch numbers at OfficeMax for $5, which I also have plenty leftover for other fun stuff.

This fun elephant friend Aedan picked out at Target for $2. I was hoping to find a smaller Santa we could move in each envelope but Aedan had his heart set on the elephant. He's a little bigger than I wanted so hopefully I'll find a different one next year. 

I must say I'm mighty proud of myself. For a girl that doesn't even own a glue gun I managed to take an idea and some pictures and create something that our family will have for many years to come. Every morning I bring Aedan downstairs straight to the calendar and show him how to move Mr. Elephant to the next envelope and with excitement I tell him how we are one more day closer to Christmas Day. The joy in his eyes is priceless. I daydream of our three children racing down the stairs each morning to be the one to move Mr. Elephant (or whatever new creature we have) and I pray it's a fun memory they will carry with them for many many years. 

The Christmas Parade

Before this year, it had been way too long since I attended a parade. After watching Aedan's face light up watching the floats and bands and dancers on TV for the Thanksgiving Day Parade, I knew we had to start a new tradition of going to the Bakersfield Christmas Parade each year. Nikki and I made popcorn, cookies and hot chocolate to bring along. We gathered the gang up for the big night with scarfs, beanies, and blankets and just like that we created a memory. Aedan L-O-V-E, LOVED IT! 

Here are some pictures from our fun night at the parade. This is definitely going on the list for next year. 

When Aedan finally got to see Santa!

And here is a fun video for some giggles.

Having Faith & Understanding Grace

I may have been writing this post for months now. I walk around in the quiet of the day beginning a prayer to God which turns into a monologue or journal of my emotions and then evolves back into a whispering prayer of - Thank you Jesus. Thank you Jesus. I love you God. Amen. This whole thing is probably my prayer but either way I needed to put it down and share.

Mitchell said it. He declared it in the car when I was in tears after our doctor’s appointment. He said, "God has a great plan for us. And even if we don’t understand it right now we will soon. We have to trust Him." I hung on to those words. I knew he was right. And it wasn’t hope for something great was around the corner. For sometimes hope sounds like you’re hanging on by a thread of believing it can turn out better, without an anchor of faith that it will be better. But it was Faith in our creator that we knew even through a heartbreaking miscarriage God was taking care of us. He was protecting us from something worse and used this pain to show his love and Grace.

About two and a half weeks after my D&C I felt a little tender on one side and like most women—I just knew I was ovulating.  Jump to another few weeks later and that beautiful plus sign appeared on the test. It felt almost too good to be true.  A few ultrasounds later and two babies were confirmed. TWO! And we heard the most beautiful sound—two strong heartbeats. God never does things half way!

Walking to the car with Mitchell and staring at our two gummy bear babies in the ultrasound pictures, I felt God saying to us, “This is why! I told you I would not forsake you. I’m sorry I had to take Abigail. But here are two babies for you. I do all things because I love you.”

I may never know why God took Abigail from us so soon. But I know it wasn’t just a matter of biology that I lost a baby at nine weeks and then got pregnant with twins two weeks later. It was supernatural—divine. It is a memorial in my life, in Mitchell’s life and in our children’s lives—a reminder that the Lord will never forsake us but He has a purpose for everything that happens. And as we raise these babies to know God and His Grace and have Faith in Him, I’m sure God will reveal more of His purpose in the heartbreak we had on August 14, 2012, and the amazing conception that even modern day biologists and geneticists can’t fully comprehend.

And to be completely honest, I have plenty of my freak-out moments. I worry a lot about how we’re going to do it all. What if the babies are premature? What if one is really sick? Will Aedan feel left out? Will I be able to give each of them the attention they deserve? What if I can’t do this? What if I can’t do that? What if we don’t have enough money? What if Mitchell has to work a lot? How will I do it on my own? And the uncertainty goes on and on…. Satan loves to remind us of all we can’t do and how human we are.

But soon after I’m reminded of all of the men and women who can’t have babies, who would be wonderful mommies and daddies, and who would give all they have to have two babies in the belly. My worries and fears disappear. God gave me these babies. We all have our own stories and testimonies of God’s love—and this is mine. I will own it proudly. And whenever I feel scared about how we’re going to do it all with a two year old, twin babies, one income, and only 24 hours in a day, I’ll remember how blessed we are that God chose us for these children. This isn’t exactly how I imagined our family would turn out. It’s so much better!

Thank you, Lord. Amen

Aedan Turns Two

Note: I actually wrote this post over 2 months ago. But with some expected news around Aedan's birthday the months of October and November has been a whirlwind. :)

I don’t know how this happened, but it happened. My little baby turned 2 years old. No joke—babies grow up way too fast. It feels like it was just a few months ago we brought him home from the hospital, and if I can think about it hard enough I can still feel the pain of pushing him out of me. Which I must admit was the worst pain in the entire world, but it was the most incredible moment of my entire life. I don’t regret for one second doing it naturally and feeling every inch of the stinging pain it took to bring him into this world. He is worth every bit of it.

And I can certainly remember the moment I saw him for the first time and cried out, “My baby! Give me my baby!” It felt like eternity as I waited for the doctor to give him a good wipe and have Mitchell cut the cord (which really was probably only 20 seconds), but I couldn’t wait another second to get him into my arms. And once I had him our incredible love story begun.

Yes, Mitchell, Aedan and I are the 3 amigos—us three have an amazing bond. But I may never fully understand the special relationship that Mitchell has with his son. It’s precious, special, priceless, and just between them. The same goes for Aedan and I. Only a mamma and son know the love we share for each other. And with each new milestone—first smile, first giggle, first step, first word, first birthday and every birthday after—he grows a little more away from me and breaks my heart a little more each step of the way.

I don’t think I can say it any better than this mommy blogger.

“But here’s the thing: once you become a parent . . . once you start feeling a little funny and you buy a pregnancy test . . . once you see a pink plus sign . . . once you know it’s not just you anymore . . . well, you automatically carry around, for the rest of your life, an increased likelihood of having your heart broken. And it’s a constant fear we struggle to put to rest.”  ~Kelle Hampton, Bloom

Ain’t that the truth! I’ve had the time of my life watching him grow into a two year old—a little sad too.

But now here we are. Aedan a 2 year old, Mitchell and I will be 30 next month (I am now 30 as I publish this post) and we each are excited to watch our family grow with more babies to come. (Stay tuned for my next post ;))

Here is our baby boy at 2 years old:
Favorite toy at the park: slides (swing comes in at a close 2nd)
Favorite foods: anything chocolate, chicken nuggets, Daddy’s cereal (Frosted Mini Wheats)
Favorite movie: Despicable Me
Favorite TV show:  Yo Gabba Gabba
Favorite cartoon: Sponge Bob
Favorite toy: all of them!
Can count to 14, sings the ABC song, loves to color and draw, loves to dance and play the drums and guitar, nurses 2-3 times a day, loves his blankie, loves to read books before bedtime, prays to Jesus, love to give Zylah kisses, loves to play with his best bud Luke, loves to jump in mud puddles...

And he especially loves Disneyland. Here is a video of our 3 days at the Magic Kingdom. (Note to self: Take more pictures! You can never have too many pictures. But it sucks when you don't have enough.)

I'll Hold You in Heaven

It’s time I sorted through all my emotions and put down on paper (I mean on screen) what happened to us and how I feel about it. It was just a short time ago when we celebrated with family and friends the excitement of expecting our second baby. I even made a video. Two weeks later no heartbeat was found in the ultrasound. Followed by another week of bad news that what was supposed to be the size of a blueberry never grew past the size of a sesame seed. My heart immediately broke into a million pieces with a slim chance of ever truly being made whole again.

I was 9 weeks pregnant when they did the D&C.

The deep sting of my broken heart is somewhat familiar. It’s the same loss-of-breath type of heart ache you feel at 16 when your boyfriend doesn’t want you as a girlfriend anymore. The same type of pain when you’re 26 and find out your mom has cancer and you just don’t know how long she will be with you. And now at 29 when the little bean inside your belly just doesn’t make it. It all comes from the same soul deep within.

There is a deep place in my heart where I knew something was going to happen this time around. We had our share of heartbreaks over the years that seemed to me to be preludes to something bigger. They were little reminders that whatever was around the corner would be devastating but God would still protect us and take care of us just like He had all the many times before. Because no matter what this world wants us to believe I know our God is good—all the time. And so I’ve had the “feeling” that I was being prepared and molded into the type of mother that could be able to handle something like a miscarriage. And sure enough we lost our unborn baby.  

I never saw or heard a heartbeat, only a tiny flicker of a pixel that showed cells that were trying to form a heart. But that makes no difference to me. I know that life doesn’t begin with a heartbeat or a specific trimester. The Bible tells us in the story of Mary’s pregnancy with Jesus that a human life—a lasting, eternal soul—is present from conception.

I wasn’t meant to meet this child of mine here on Earth. But I know one day I will hold her in Heaven. Until then I know my grandmother, Meme, has pushed her way through the crowd of angels to Jesus’ throne where He holds my baby girl. I’m sure she grabbed her from His arms and said “Lord, I will take care of her until her mother comes home.” In fact, I know this to be true.

And because I can’t stand the thought of my darling girl being in Heaven without a name, to us she is Abigail Cochran. She was lent to me for only a few short weeks and her existence in my belly was meant to change my life drastically.  When an unborn child is taken from you, it’s not about the impact you’ve had on their life—because frankly they had no life on Earth--but it’s about the affect their minuscule time in your belly will have on you.

I suppose I may never fully get over this heart break of never getting to hold and kiss and love the life that was taking shape in my body. But just like the broken hearted 16 year old who one day meets the man she is meant to marry, and the mother that is healed from a cancer that takes far too many lives, God will also heal this mother’s broken heart with His love and grace.  Soon I will be pregnant again and be blessed to hold a perfect baby in my arms. But I will never stop thinking about the day I’ll hold our Baby Abigail in Heaven.

To all our friends and family who have been there for us with sweet words, hugs, texts, phone calls, flowers, cards, dinners and love—thank you! Whether you believe in Him or not, you were used by God to comfort us. Especially my sister, who has seen me cry uncontrollably more than anyone. Nikki, you are an amazing sister.

To my sweet baby boy, Aedan – you don’t know this yet, but your gorgeous smile brightens my day and is an instant reminder of how miraculous and precious life truly is. I will love you until forever.

And to the love of my life, Mitchell – thank you for loving me so much. For holding my hand in each step of this nightmare and reminding me that we have each other, God has a great plan for us, and--even if we don’t understand it—His timing is perfect. We don’t know what the future might bring our way, but I know I can do anything with you by my side.

Here's the video we made to tell our families the big news that we were pregnant. I'm glad I made it.

Our Family Beach Trip

When I was young our family vacations were always at the beach (until later years when vacas revolved around Donnie's soccer tournaments--fun times.) I have some great memories of us on the sand and boardwalk and from what I recall we often went to Santa Monica and Venice. My parents opted for beach trips because 1.) it doesn't cost a thing to lay out your towel on the beach and play in the sand, and  2.) if you knew my mom you'd know why we always went west--she loves the sun. Cali girl all the way! So here I am, a mother myself wanting to create fun times and memories for my child on California beaches. 

Because of the nature of Mitchell's work we don't get a lot of open weekends to get out of town. And when a big job isn't scheduled there is always a birthday or holiday we like to stay in town for. Not that I mind--I love our families and hope they continue to grow. But when Mitchell asked me on a Wednesday what our weekend plans were, we then both realized we didn't have a thing to do. 

"Wanna go to the beach?" He asked. 

"Duh!"

"Can you book a hotel room?"

"Right on top of that, Rose!"

And we were off! 

FYI: I am extremely addicted to Movie Maker. Every other day I feel the urge to take random video clips of Aedan just so I can put together a video montage of our Tuesday afternoons, or morning walks, or evening bath time. So beware! Random videos may be coming soon. :)

Top Ten Things I love About Aedan at 20 months

Since the purpose of this blog is for the older me--at whatever age--to read through posts and reminisce on all the joy and fun I had with my babies, then I felt it's time for a list of fun things I love about my little mister at this age. We all know how fast our babies grow up so here's a shot at helping me remember the little things that make my heart flutter throughout each day of being home with Aedan.

(Side note: If you haven't heard yet, I'm crazy about this child. Everything he does I adore and think is the most magnificent thing in the world. Below are just the top 10 things but they are totally subject to change at any given time. Enjoy!)


Top Ten Things I love About Aedan at 20 Months


#10 - The way he says birdie with a Boston accent. (Actually, I love the way he says anything with his Boston accent.)

#9 - How he helps Daddy around the house with his Fisher-Price drill set.

#8 - When he calls out Mama! from his crib to let me know he is awake from his precious slumber.

#7 - How he gets super excited about seeing the same people I get excited about.

#6 - How he gently touches Baby Zylah's head and then give her a sweet small kiss.

#5 - At any given moment he will blurt out a new word as clear as day that I didn't know he knew. (Yesterday it was coffee. Just came up, pointed to my mug, and said, "Mama's coffee.")

#4 - When I purposefully do an over-dramatic cry just to get a rise out of him and he then bursts into tears out of sympathy. (Works every time!)

#3 - Any time of the day when the Hokie Pokie song comes on Pandora we can stop what we are doing and dance it through. (Especially love it when I pop my hip during the hip in and out part and I knock him in the head and he flies to the floor. No tears, just little giggles.)

#2 - At random moments he comes to me speaking some baby gibberish, followed by some Mamas and then hugs and kisses me.

#1 - Even as he gets older, I love the way his eyes lock with mine when I nurse him to sleep just like they did when he was an infant. (This one is something I especially treasure since our days of nursing our dwindling fast.)

Here are some more fun pictures from our little weekend getaway to Santa Monica and Venice Beach!

Becoming an Auntie Again

For weeks I carried around an excited anxious feeling—as if I was a ten year old that knows Disneyland is just around the corner. But what I was waiting for is far better than a trip to any theme park. For me the happiest place on earth was in Room 244 at Bakersfield Memorial Hospital where I got to meet my niece for the first time.

First off, I have to say how proud I am of my sister. There is no way she could've anticipated what would happen that day. The day she had dreamed about for months. The day she planned out perfectly that would consist of hours of laboring at home, the calm but anxious trip to the hospital at the exact stage of 3-1-1 (contractions 3 minutes apart, 1 minute long, for 1 hour), the physical agony of transition, the burning ring of fire; followed by all the worst pain in the world being immediately swiped away with all the purest joy in the world of seeing her baby girl for the first time. I know Nikki spent countless hours daydreaming of the surreal moment her baby girl would be placed on her bare chest for intimate bonding between mother and baby. I know how much she wanted that plan. I wanted that for her badly as well. But God had something else in mind for my sister and her baby. A plan of which I think stretched Nikki emotionally beyond the limits of any natural child birth.

With Zylah's heartbeat dropping drastically low with every contraction, Zach and Nikki had merely seconds to choose between a.) sticking to the plan and possibly risking the life of their baby, or b.) throwing the plan out the window and sacrifice her dream birth for a healthy baby--her true heart's desire. I saw the fear in her eyes but she knew it was an easy decision. And at 7:19 p.m. on May 28th, Zylah Ann was delivered by emergency c-section.

C-section births happen all the time whether they are planned or not. But it was so scarey seeing the doctor's look of fear and calling b.s. on Kat's (our longtime friend & nurse) cheery disposition as if what was happening was no big deal. God bless her for her calming attitude though--it kept the tears from exploding out of me right in front of Nikki. (I waited until they all left the room.)
And after what felt like an eternity later, Kat came out with the glorious news that Zylah was here and mama and baby were doing great. Scarey enough, we learned that moment that the cord was wrapped around Zylah's neck which was why she wasn't getting oxygen during contractions--she was literally being strangled.  I thanked Kat repeatedly as I hugged her and cried. Being the true God-spinner that I am (spinning all situations for God's glory), I know it was no accident that Kat was working that Monday--God knew we needed our friend, not only by our sides, but by Nikki's side as well.

In retrospect, the dream birth plan doesn't matter. Zylah Ann (I like to repeatedly say her full name since her and I share a middle name:) is alive and actually a little healthier than most babies born naturally--not even a little jaundice.

She is our darling girl.

I'm overly thrilled and joyful about watching this little one grow up. I dream of the special relationship we can share--especially since the joys of being an Auntie come free of 3:00 a.m. feedings, spankings, and temper-tantrums.

And as Mitchell and I look forward to having more babies ourselves, I'm reminded that just because I had a textbook labor and delivery with Aedan it doesn't mean I'm guaranteed the same for the next one. Each pregnancy, birth and baby are different in all of their own. I know for one, God is ultimately in control and He works for the good of those who love Him. And two, I only hope that if my baby's life was in jeopardy and I had to choose a c-section, I would do it as beautifully and with as much strength as my sister did.