Our Miracle – Part II

Dear Baby,

The day came for our follow up appointment with Dr. Fok. This was our big day to find out one of several things—Did the cyst get bigger? Did it get smaller? Are there other problems? You can imagine all the possible things that ran through our minds. Were we worried? Yes. Did we try to pretend we weren't? Yes. Did we pray to God for the cyst to be gone? Yes. Did we believe it would happen? Kind of, I mean, did we believe that God can take the cyst away? Yes. But I guess with the way things were going this year and the way we were getting medical reports from doctors, actually expecting that the cyst would be gone felt like too much to ask for or expect--shame on us. But our creator has a marvelous way of reminding us of who He is and what He can do.

You see, Daddy and I went to our appointment with sweaty palms, hearts racing, and teary-eyed. Again we were quiet and anxious. What could we say to each other? Relax; everything is going to be ok? Duh, we know we needed to relax, we know we needed to trust God and ultimately everything would be ok. But you are our baby, our precious child who we haven't even met yet. We know how each other felt and all we could do was hold each other and pray. So we did. So we walk into the exam room. I laid down and bared my big belly. It felt like it was only moments and Dr. Fok said that the most precious words ever, "The cysts are gone. I don't see anything." Are you kidding me?! They are gone. They just vanished. It has only been a few weeks and already they are gone.

Just to be sure I asked, "Did you check both sides?"

He smiled with amusement, "Yes, I'm looking at both sides. They have disappeared." Tears were streaming down my cheeks. I looked up at daddy and in the dark room all I could see was in big white smile--that wonderful smile, that perfect smile. You know it was his smile that I first fell in love with the day we met. And at our appointment it was that same smile that reassured me that everything was truly good and wonderful because our baby boy is healthy and perfect. Man, I love that smile!

Dr. Fok wrapped up the appointment by checking your measurements again and asked if we had any questions. Only one, "Should we see you in another 4 weeks?" He kind of laughed (he was so much warmer this time around) and told us that he doesn't want to see us again, no offense to us. None taken!!! As we walked out of the exam room, daddy had to turn around and shake his hand (so sweet and of course, he was smiling). Right when we stepped out onto the street on our way to our car, I grabbed your daddy, buried my face in his chest and with all emotion flushing out of my face I cried with thankfulness to God, appreciation of my husband who worried with me, and total relief that from all the things we have to worry about his year the cysts were no longer on that list. Praise Jesus!

In time at all we were on our phones calling moms, dads, sisters and brothers. They cried and celebrated with us.

It's been a week since our appointment and during this week we have had time to reflect on this past scary month. Here are some things we have learned:

• Trust God always—He will always take care of us.
  
• God is good ALL the time (even when your mom has cancer).
  
• You, daddy and I have many amazing families and friends who constantly prayed for all of us. Thank you God for giving us these people.
  
• Your grandma says that God used you to put things in perspective for her. Once she heard the news of your cysts all worry about losing her hair was gone. It just doesn't matter.
  

 

So my little guy, even before you came into this world God used you for many reasons—many reasons we see right away and others are more subtle. This I know for sure, you are no ordinary baby boy and will not grow up to be an ordinary man. God has a divine, majestic journey for your life.

And I can't wait to see it!!

Mommy/Daddy moments

Dear Baby,

I want you to know how sweet and loving your daddy is. He loves you so much and takes of me so gently and sweetly. He knows being pregnant is hard on my body and uncomfortable and he tries so hard to make me feel good. Here is one very special thing your daddy said to me unexpectedly yesterday. He said, "This is one of my favorite versions of you—being pregnant." I cried. He went on to say, "I love your chubby cheeks, your belly and how you have to pee all the time. I love the way you look."

This is just a sneak preview of the kind of family you are coming into. We love each other so very much and believe we are true soul mates. We can't wait to share this love with you.

26 weeks

Let's take a break from all the heavy emotion and take a look at how you are growing in my belly. Here is a picture of me at 26 weeks and 30 pounds. Woohoo!

Our miracle

Dear Baby,

When you grow up you will often hear people say, "Miracles happen every day" and they are RIGHT! Baby boy, you will find that miracles, small and large, will happen to you and others around you all throughout your life. These miracles are God's hand in our life. It's His majestic way of letting us know that He is present and taking care of His children. Just this week we experienced a miraculous moment with you in my belly.

About 6 weeks ago I was sitting in the exam room with your grandma and grandpa (Daddy had to work) and Dr. Lopez gave us some news that shook our world and put things into perspective. She said there appeared to be 2 cysts in your brain and I had to see a specialist. Choroid Plexus Cyst is the actual full term. I sat there overwhelmed with emotion, with my cancer-stricken mother sitting in one chair and with my loving father now with 2 of his girls in distress, I couldn't hold it in anymore. I burst into tears completely frightened that I was going to lose you. Fear had already hit me weeks before when we found out that grandma has breast cancer and we were looking at a year of treatment, but I wasn't expecting anything other than "Everything looks good" from my doctor's mouth. I tried really hard to absorb everything Dr. Lopez was saying, "Vast majority of these cysts go away," "marker for other disorders," "don't worry," "you can see the specialist next week," It seemed so simple to her and the end of life for me. What percentages of these cysts go away? What kind of disorders? Why wouldn't I worry? Who's the specialist?! It's so cool how God works. He knew I needed my mom and dad with me. He had it all planned out even before the appointment was made. I'm sure God's planning went something like this, "She is going to get the news on this day. Kelly will get cancer at this time so Ralph and Kelly will be off work on this day. They will go with her to the appointment. Mitchell will work at this time." Voula! God's perfect plan was born. I needed my mama at the first real time I felt like a mama. And she put her hands over me and cried a little too. Suddenly the loss of her hair in the battle with cancer didn't seem so devastating to her. I didn't know it at the time but your grandmother prayed then that she wouldn't complain about the loss of hair, in fact she said that God can take all her hair if He can just have this baby be healthy and perfect. They had a deal and she was determined to keep her end.

The next week we saw Dr. Fok, known to be the best perinatologist, well the only perinatologist in town. At the appointment Daddy and I were stressed and anxious. All we wanted to hear was that everything ok and that you were perfect. (Oooooh! You just gave me a big kick!) Our first impression of Dr. Fok's office was not good. The reception seemed only concerned about money and insurance. I told her on the phone I didn't care how much I had to pay, I wanted to make sure the baby was ok. She seemed sympathetic but with her thick Asian accent she repeatedly said, "Please bring twenty dollars cash—cash only." Ok lady, cash only it is.

The ultrasound was empty and dark. It was obvious that Dr. Fok was a man of business and serious about his work, no fluffy frills in his space. As he looked in my uterus and examined every inch of you he can find I tried to remain quiet, calm and still. Daddy came close to me and held my hand. We went back and forth watching the screen and watching Dr. Fok's face for any sign of concern. He said noting. Of course, I had tons of questions I wanted to ask. Do you see anything? Is he ok? Does he look healthy? Tell me. What are you thinking? But I said nothing. I wanted this specialist to concentrate and do what he needed to do and not be distracted by the big emotional pregnant lady whose bare belly was on his table. Daddy spoke first. I don't remember exactly what he asked. It was something simple like, "Is that his brain?" Dr. Fok said nothing. His facial expression changed. He looked down at my file, sifting through papers, looked back at the screen. And then he excused himself. Right when he left the room, Daddy and I locked eyes. We didn't have to say anything—we both knew we were thinking the same thing. Panic was in both of us. Why did he leave? What did he see that was so bad? We both prayed and tried to stay calm. Daddy stroked my head and I fought hard not to burst into tears. Dr. Fok came back in. He looked some more and took measurements. Once he was done he asked us wait so he can get my test results. Again we sat there holding each other, praying in our own heads, and trying to prepare ourselves for the worst news. After about the longest 5 minutes ever, he called us to his back office to tell us the news.

We were so relieved to hear him speak. Even though his seriousness was scary I started to learn that was him and not necessarily the news. Dr. Fok confirmed there were 2 cysts in your brain. One on the right side that was virtual nothing because it was so small, and one on the left side that was a little more than 1 cm in diameter. He said that everything else with you looked fine and in fact you appeared to be a very healthy active baby. He measured your arms, legs, brain, and heart. He looked for fluid in the back of your neck and kidneys. The only marker that was of concern was the cyst on the left side. He said the cyst is a marker for Down Syndrome and Trisomy 18 and offered us the option of doing a amnio procedure to know for sure if you had these disorders. We said no right then and there. We didn't want to take the risk of losing you in an amnio just to find out if you had a disorder. And the news from the amnio wouldn't change our love for you. Next steps were to make another appointment with Dr. Fok in four weeks and from then on out we would just wait, watch and pray.

The next few weeks Daddy and I spent a lot of time praying, crying, and loving each other. We needed each other more than ever before. We trust our Father but every once in a while Satan would sneak his ugly thoughts in our mind and worry would set in. What if the cyst doesn't go away? What if it gets bigger? What if he finds other problems?

More than anything I wanted and needed to hear 2 beautiful things—that my mother doesn't have cancer and my baby boy is perfect and healthy. Our follow up appointment with Dr. Fok couldn't come soon enough.

To be continued . . .

Your first kicks

Dear Baby Boy,

I remember it perfectly and I pray I never forget it. We found out that you are a boy when I was 16 weeks along. The day after Baby Sightings I found myself home terribly sick. I didn't want to take any cold medicine so instead I laid in bed with full-on symptoms. . . ear aches, headache, sore throat, stuffy nose, chills . . . I was very sicky icky.

The second day of staying home sick and in bed I felt the most incredible THING! I say thing because I don't know how to describe it. It happened so fast and startled me a bit. I knew right away what it was. It wasn't really flutters or butterflies, it was different. It had a mighty force behind it. On the left side of my lower belly God's perfect miracle of creation made his presence known. You kicked me and I FELT IT!!

I wish my face was recorded. I know I had the biggest smile on my face and felt the purest joy in all the world. You are real and alive in my belly. I didn't hesitate at all. I quickly called Daddy to tell him the good news. And together we laughed and cried.

From then on I have felt you everyday. As I write this I am 22 weeks and 5 days along. Your kicks get stronger and more frequent. You kick and move the most in the morning as I munch on my delicious gala apple, after dinner as we relax on the couch, and right before I fall asleep.

Just yesterday, June 2nd, Daddy felt your kicks too! Throughout the past couple of months I was the only one to feel you. Pretty much daily Daddy would lay with me on the couch or in bed with his hand over my belly as we watched TV. I would guide his hand from side to side as I predicted where your next kick would be. For 2 months he disappointingly felt nothing.

But not yesterday! We played your favorite song, "Came to My Rescue" by Hillsong United, and Daddy felt 3 big strong kicks. Tears filled our eyes. I am so happy to share you with him. He is a good Daddy and already loves you so very much. We both can't wait to meet you face to face.

I love you baby.