Our miracle

Dear Baby,

When you grow up you will often hear people say, "Miracles happen every day" and they are RIGHT! Baby boy, you will find that miracles, small and large, will happen to you and others around you all throughout your life. These miracles are God's hand in our life. It's His majestic way of letting us know that He is present and taking care of His children. Just this week we experienced a miraculous moment with you in my belly.

About 6 weeks ago I was sitting in the exam room with your grandma and grandpa (Daddy had to work) and Dr. Lopez gave us some news that shook our world and put things into perspective. She said there appeared to be 2 cysts in your brain and I had to see a specialist. Choroid Plexus Cyst is the actual full term. I sat there overwhelmed with emotion, with my cancer-stricken mother sitting in one chair and with my loving father now with 2 of his girls in distress, I couldn't hold it in anymore. I burst into tears completely frightened that I was going to lose you. Fear had already hit me weeks before when we found out that grandma has breast cancer and we were looking at a year of treatment, but I wasn't expecting anything other than "Everything looks good" from my doctor's mouth. I tried really hard to absorb everything Dr. Lopez was saying, "Vast majority of these cysts go away," "marker for other disorders," "don't worry," "you can see the specialist next week," It seemed so simple to her and the end of life for me. What percentages of these cysts go away? What kind of disorders? Why wouldn't I worry? Who's the specialist?! It's so cool how God works. He knew I needed my mom and dad with me. He had it all planned out even before the appointment was made. I'm sure God's planning went something like this, "She is going to get the news on this day. Kelly will get cancer at this time so Ralph and Kelly will be off work on this day. They will go with her to the appointment. Mitchell will work at this time." Voula! God's perfect plan was born. I needed my mama at the first real time I felt like a mama. And she put her hands over me and cried a little too. Suddenly the loss of her hair in the battle with cancer didn't seem so devastating to her. I didn't know it at the time but your grandmother prayed then that she wouldn't complain about the loss of hair, in fact she said that God can take all her hair if He can just have this baby be healthy and perfect. They had a deal and she was determined to keep her end.

The next week we saw Dr. Fok, known to be the best perinatologist, well the only perinatologist in town. At the appointment Daddy and I were stressed and anxious. All we wanted to hear was that everything ok and that you were perfect. (Oooooh! You just gave me a big kick!) Our first impression of Dr. Fok's office was not good. The reception seemed only concerned about money and insurance. I told her on the phone I didn't care how much I had to pay, I wanted to make sure the baby was ok. She seemed sympathetic but with her thick Asian accent she repeatedly said, "Please bring twenty dollars cash—cash only." Ok lady, cash only it is.

The ultrasound was empty and dark. It was obvious that Dr. Fok was a man of business and serious about his work, no fluffy frills in his space. As he looked in my uterus and examined every inch of you he can find I tried to remain quiet, calm and still. Daddy came close to me and held my hand. We went back and forth watching the screen and watching Dr. Fok's face for any sign of concern. He said noting. Of course, I had tons of questions I wanted to ask. Do you see anything? Is he ok? Does he look healthy? Tell me. What are you thinking? But I said nothing. I wanted this specialist to concentrate and do what he needed to do and not be distracted by the big emotional pregnant lady whose bare belly was on his table. Daddy spoke first. I don't remember exactly what he asked. It was something simple like, "Is that his brain?" Dr. Fok said nothing. His facial expression changed. He looked down at my file, sifting through papers, looked back at the screen. And then he excused himself. Right when he left the room, Daddy and I locked eyes. We didn't have to say anything—we both knew we were thinking the same thing. Panic was in both of us. Why did he leave? What did he see that was so bad? We both prayed and tried to stay calm. Daddy stroked my head and I fought hard not to burst into tears. Dr. Fok came back in. He looked some more and took measurements. Once he was done he asked us wait so he can get my test results. Again we sat there holding each other, praying in our own heads, and trying to prepare ourselves for the worst news. After about the longest 5 minutes ever, he called us to his back office to tell us the news.

We were so relieved to hear him speak. Even though his seriousness was scary I started to learn that was him and not necessarily the news. Dr. Fok confirmed there were 2 cysts in your brain. One on the right side that was virtual nothing because it was so small, and one on the left side that was a little more than 1 cm in diameter. He said that everything else with you looked fine and in fact you appeared to be a very healthy active baby. He measured your arms, legs, brain, and heart. He looked for fluid in the back of your neck and kidneys. The only marker that was of concern was the cyst on the left side. He said the cyst is a marker for Down Syndrome and Trisomy 18 and offered us the option of doing a amnio procedure to know for sure if you had these disorders. We said no right then and there. We didn't want to take the risk of losing you in an amnio just to find out if you had a disorder. And the news from the amnio wouldn't change our love for you. Next steps were to make another appointment with Dr. Fok in four weeks and from then on out we would just wait, watch and pray.

The next few weeks Daddy and I spent a lot of time praying, crying, and loving each other. We needed each other more than ever before. We trust our Father but every once in a while Satan would sneak his ugly thoughts in our mind and worry would set in. What if the cyst doesn't go away? What if it gets bigger? What if he finds other problems?

More than anything I wanted and needed to hear 2 beautiful things—that my mother doesn't have cancer and my baby boy is perfect and healthy. Our follow up appointment with Dr. Fok couldn't come soon enough.

To be continued . . .