Dear Baby,
These past few weeks have been tough. I lay in bed afraid to lift my head for fear of vomit all over the sheets. But I have to pee again for the 3rd time tonight so I lift slowly. I move to the bathroom slowly - one step at a time. No vomit. I pee. No vomit. I think I can do this. I slowly brush my teeth trying to be careful of any gag reflex. As I brush I examine the belly. No bump. Suddenly the brushing is too much. I feel it. It's coming. Heart is racing. I start to break out in a sweat. Here it comes. Gag, gag, gag. No vomit. Nothing in the stomach to throw up. I should've known for just 3 minutes ago my tummy was rumbling loudly. Gag again. This time bile. Very acidic yellow bile. I can't stop. Please make it stop.
Once it comes to an end, I slowly attempt to clean myself up. Gotta get dressed for work.
The days are hard. I'm contantly gagging. I munch on saltines all day. So sick of saltines. Lunch comes and I'm starving. I eat way too much and now I'm sick again. Mid afternoon I can't focus. I'm so tired. I swear someone has drugged me.
Only 4 more weeks of this so they say. I can do it. Others have done it before me so what's my excuse?
I can do this because I love you. I dream of you, think of you, speak of you all the time. And every time I am feeling sick I am reminding of your little beating heart in my belly.
I love you,
Mommy
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